Here we are at the beginning of another week. That means, we made it through all the challenges of last week. Hooray for us!! It also means, we can face whatever comes this week. Again, Hooray for us!!
Do you ever get a gut feeling? Do you ever have thoughts you just can’t stop thinking no matter what you do? Something that sticks with you and you can’t shake it but you’re not sure why? I have been having those kinds of moments for awhile. I am not always good at listening to my gut, but this time, I feel like there’s something that I need to say and when I need to say something, nine times out of ten, I express things through writing. I think it may be something someone needs to hear instead of it just bouncing around inside my head. There’s been something on my mind and in my gut for awhile now and I think it may be time to give it the attention it has been demanding.
There have been two words bumping around inside my head. There’s been this pit of my stomach feeling, for lack of a better word, in regards to these two words that I haven’t been able to ignore. Insecurity and Confidence are those words.
When I say bumping around inside my head, these two words have literally been rambling around in my head in different forms making me think about all the ways they present themselves in our lives and what that may mean to me and to others.
I am going to simply write what has been rambling around in my head. Maybe you will relate, maybe you won’t, but hang with me. Take away what you may need, leave what you don’t.
I am going to start with insecurities.
Insecurities come in many forms:
They may make us believe we are incapable of doing something.
That we aren’t pretty enough, smart enough, good enough.
Insecurities make us do and believe things about ourselves and others we wouldn’t normally think or believe.
Insecurities makes us watch people.
Causes us to judge quickly.
Insecurities say trust nothing. Trust no one.
It says who THEY are matters. Who I am doesn’t.
Insecurities have us comparing ourselves to others.
It often will cause us to project what we think or feel onto others.
Insecurity makes us doubt what we know or even what we don’t know.
They make us not step into or out of a situation.
Insecurity keeps us from stepping into situations we should be in and placing us situations we should be avoiding.
Insecurities tell us we can’t.
Insecurities knock others down so we can feel better.
Insecurity makes us paralyzed with fear.
They cause us to second guess everything we hear, everything we see, everything we do.
Insecurities are loud and demand attention from others to provide for us a false sense of peace.
Confidence also manifests in many ways:
It shows up in what we do, in what we say, in what we think.
It’s in the way we walk and the way we talk.
It’s in the way we interact with others.
It’s in the things we create, in the things we choose to do and things we choose not to do.
Confidence is quiet.
At other times it silently screams out to those around us because it cannot be hidden.
Confidence lifts others up because it is not threatened by others success.
It says I matter.
Confidence says who they are is on them and has nothing to do with who I am.
Confidence says I can.
Sometimes,confidence holds others at bay because they perceive it as a threat or is something they want but do not have.
Confidence helps us step up or step out because it allows us to see potential harm or good.
Confidence creates a sense of self worth.
Confidence says, what others think, say, do, feel, or want does not define us.
Confidence does not demand that others make us feel better about ourselves.
It does not seek self-worth from others.
Confidence says I am okay with who I am and who I am not.
It says we will listen to other’s opinions and ideas but that those things are not the deciding factor for how we live our lives or the decisions we make.
Confidence says I am okay, more than okay, with who I am.
Confidence is a place of peace
*Quick side note: there is a HUGE difference between being cocky or self inflated and confident. Confidence empowers us and others. It is humble even in its boldness. Whereas, cocky or self inflated is stepping on others to get what we want. It puts others down and doesn’t help others in any way. *
Where does all of this leave us? Personally, I can tell you I experience both phenomenon. I have insecurity and confidence lurking inside of me. I would imagine most people do.
Here’s the part that sticks in my crawl (that’s one of my gma’s sayings. LOL). Both of these things, insecurities and confidence, are a choice. People tend to forget this important little tidbit. You get to choose!
We can chose to let our insecurities rule us or we can grab ahold of our confidence.
I am in control of what I think and what I do. I can tell you I most often chose confidence. I have experienced judgment from others, mostly women, because of my confidence. I have had, on more than one occasion, women think I am a bitch (maybe it’s my resting bitch face, I don’t know, LOL!). Yet, once they got to actually know me, the REAL me, they changed their minds about me very rapidly.
One of those women who thought I was a bitch is now one of my dearest and closest friends. When she finally started talking to me, she told me my confidence intimidated her and scared her a bit. She thought my confidence was me being a bitch, when really, now that she knows me, she says I am one of the nicest, most loving and caring people she has ever known.
My confidence allows me to be compassionate, supportive, loving, giving, caring, and more. That’s what confidence does. It takes us out of our own fears and allows us to focus on what we need and what others need from us. Sometimes we can say yes to others and other times we can say no. Confidence says that both responses are okay.
My friend’s statement made me realize that confidence is such a rarity, especially in woman, such a rarity in fact, when it’s encountered in another woman, she is instantly labeled a bitch, when in actuality she is not.
I am confident. There’s no two ways about it. I am an open book if you want to get to know me. I make decisions based on what I know about myself. It is in my confidence I’ve learned I have nothing I need to hide. Who I am, what I do, what I think are all ok. I do all things with integrity because of my confidence in who I am. Oh sure, you may look at me for the first time and think, ‘what a bitch’, but in the end, what you think about me, is none of my business. My business is me. My business is confidence in who I am, who God says I am.
There are times when those nasty little insecurities I have get the better of me. It is a struggle. I have moments where I think I can’t do this. I am not good enough. I am not smart enough. Strong enough. I am not important to anyone. I am alone. In the end, those insecurities are lies, even though they are sometimes what I believe about myself. I remember they are not based on facts. They are not rooted in who God says I am. When they pop up and try to derail me, it’s important for me to recognize them and then take them captive. Change what I think and change my life.
You do not have to believe your insecurities either. You have the power to take those nasty thoughts, those evil little insecurities and change them.
Darling, your insecurities are not attractive, but your confidence is sexy as hell!!
Until Next Week,