September · Wifey Wednesday

Wifey Wednesday – 8 Steps to Speak His Love Language

Wifey Wednesday

I’d like to send out a BIG THANKS to all of you.

You’re all visiting Wifey Wednesdays and sharing and I’m THRILLED!

I’m truly blessed to have such devoted readers! MUAH! *Love to you all*

OK, now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, lets talk today’s topic

Speak His Language

This week’s challenge comes from FierceMarriage.com which is pinned on my Relationship board on Pinterest

In their post, Ryan and Selena talk about the 5 Love Languages and how to ‘speak’ each language. It’s a great post; check it out here.

Have you heard about these 5 Love Languages as defined by Gary Chapman?

I had heard of them. The pastor of our former church gave many talks about them, integrated them into other talks, and really used them as a way of teaching about love. So I wasn’t surprised to see them show up on Pinterest when I searched relationships.

The 5 Love Languages

Words of Affirmation – this is letting the actual words come out; telling each other how much you appreciate them and all they do

Physical Touch – includes sexual and non-sexual touch – sort of self explanatory

Receiving Gifts – not just those big expensive ones, but also the little unexpected, don’t cost very much or anything at all gifts

Quality Time – giving 100% attention to being together with no distractions

Acts of Service – helping and doing for each other

There ya have it. 5 Love Languages, but what does that mean? How do I know what is what and when to speak the language?

Our Connection to the Languages

When I saw this pin I was pretty sure I knew my Mr. Right’s love language or at least his top 2.

I was also pretty sure I knew what mine were in order from least to greatest.

I figured I should be proactive and get it straight from the horses mouth, so to speak 😉

The post from Ryan and Selena had the link to take the 5 Languages quiz, so I took it and then emailed the link to Mr. Right; he took it, and emailed me his results.

Take the 5 Love Languages Quiz

Yup, I was right about what his top two were. BUT…

UH OH! His lowest scoring, least important language was my number 1!!

How does that work? What do you do when the thing you need the most to feel loved is at the bottom of your spouses totem pole?

Making It Work

I’m going to go out on a limb here in saying I do a damn fine job of speaking Mr. Right’s languages of love, well, most of the time.

It’s easy to talk the talk when somethings coming back your direction.

When you do it and do it and get nothing in return, that’s when problems of consistency begin to take root. When bitterness and resentment begin taking hold of you.

This is where I struggle.

Mr. Right’s very last language, the one least important to him, just happens to be the one that speaks love to me the most; it’s a constant battle to not desire that language from him. He isn’t very good at speaking my language right now, but we’re working on it together. That’s the key, working on it together. Not withdrawing, not distancing yourself, but sticking with it, together!

Having my first love language be his last means he doesn’t often think about that language. It isn’t that he doesn’t love me, it’s just not a natural go to response for him because it isn’t something he desires or needs to feel loved.

In order to speak our spouses love language, we have to stop thinking about what speaks to us and begin thinking about what speaks to our spouse

Tweet: To speak our spouses love language we have to STOP thinking about what speaks to us and begin thinking about what speaks to them

That’s a really difficult thing to do.

We don’t naturally do something we don’t value, desire, or need to feel loved. Our tendency is to ‘do’ the things for our spouse that make us feel loved. The problem is, if we’re doing what makes us feel loved, the odds are pretty high it isn’t what our spouse needs to feel loved. Well, unless of course your love languages are the same, then its all peaches and creme and everything’s coming up roses. 🙂

Does that make sense? Yes, I think it does. I hope it does.

Taking the quiz gave me a great jumping off point even though I knew Mr. Right’s languages. It allowed me to see where I need to be focusing my attentions in order to make him feel most loved.

His language isn’t natural to me. It isn’t something I need to feel loved, but his love language isn’t about me, it’s about HIM.

Here’s what I’m doing to become better at speaking his language.

 8 Steps To Speak His Love Language

♥ Each of You Take the 5 Love Languages Quiz

♥ Share Your Results with Each Other

♥ Notice the Top Two Languages for Each of You

♥ Post Your Spouses Top Two in a Prominent Place

♥ Read the Top Two Every Day

♥ Begin ‘Speaking’ Your Spouses Top Two to Them

♥ Give Without Expecting in Return

♥  Don’t Worry – Your Language Will Come Back To You

Ya know, I notice many of the things we talk about here at Wifey Wednesdays seems to simple. I mean they aren’t really all that difficult, but what they are is NOT EASY.

Simple. It’s simple to know Mr. Right’s love language; simple to know what to do to speak his language;

But Not Easy. It’s not easy to do it without expectations; it’s not easy to do it consistently and regularly enough for it to make a difference; It’s not easy to stop doing what makes me feel loved and start doing what makes him feel loved.

5_love_languages_fierce_marriage_2
photo courtesy of FierceMarriage.com

Till Next Time,

♥ R

What Makes You Feel Most Loved?

What are some ways you express love to your spouse?

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