Welcome back to Wifey Wednesday! I’m so glad you came. Better pull up your favorite chair, kick your feet up and grab your favorite beverage, cause today’s Wifey Wednesday topic is a biggie!
Oh BOY! *heavy sigh*
Staying in the present is a difficult task, especially when things aren’t going well.
Mr Right and I have been married for almost three years, together almost five. There have been ups and downs, but it seems like there have been a lot more downs.
Trying to figure out how to live with someone, communicate with someone, and be intimate with someone after having been single for a really long time, is a challenge to say the least.
I remember when we first started dating. Oh the romance, intimacy, attention, affection, hours of talking, passion, giving more than taking. It was magical.
Now, almost five years later there are parts of our marriage that seem to be fizzling out.
I cannot count the number of times I’ve asked him to show me the man I dated.
Where did that man go? Where did his passion for me go?
I remember those times with great fondness and often hold Mr. Right to the expectations of those earlier times.
Guess what? People change. I have. Mr Right has.
While the past times are important and are some of the many reasons we fell in love, we cannot go backwards.
We must stay in the present moment.
Learn who each of us are now.
Every day is another opportunity to get to know each other NOW, in this moment, in this situation.
Memories are simply that…memories. It is so easy to get stuck expecting each other to be the person we first met.
It isn’t that Mr Right loves me less or that he is less attracted to me, it’s simply different. It isn’t that I love Mr Right less or that I’m less attracted to him. I’m simply different
Control What You Think About
The key, as I see it, is in The Enjoyable Wife’s last point of Kaylene’s words of wisdom.
I get to be in control of what I think. I can continue to long for the man Mr. Right used to be or I can begin looking at the man he is today.
I can continue to expect the past or I can CHOOSE to fall in love over and over again with each new day.
I chose to fall in love over and over again with each new day and leave the past exactly where it belongs…as a beautiful memory of where our love first blossomed; Where our story began, knowing that it’s only going to get better as I get to know Mr Right in THIS moment and as he gets to know me right now, in THIS moment
I wouldn’t start a novel and then several chapters in decide I don’t like where the story is going and start the book all over again. NO! I’d keep reading wanting to know where the story was going to take the characters and myself.
Marriage is like this. Who we were when we met was the beginning of our story; I want to develop who we are and continue turning pages in order to see where we are going and how we are changing.
Marriage can’t live in the past. My marriage can’t live in past expectations.
Marriage can only survive and thrive in the present.
Love each other in THIS moment.
Till Next Time,
What past expectations might you be holding onto?