This past week, one of my all time favorites of late night said good-bye.
It’s kind of strange I guess, but when I spent time with Dave through that wonderful contraption we call the television, it was like being with my dad.
You see, I lost my dad in the last part of 2011 and watching Dave would bring back many emotions and feelings for me, in a sense, bring my dad back for even just an hour.
Watching Dave, was almost like having my dad right back with me.
David Letterman, in many ways, reminds me of my dad. From the shape of his smile to the squareness of his fingertips, not to mention his sense of humor and his laugh are very much like my dad’s. I also remember my dad sitting in the living room watching Dave and cracking up as he did so.
Hearing that the Letterman was going to retire was a mixed bag for me. I thought David Letterman is saying good-bye? What? Wait! Don’t take my dad!!
The viewer me, was glad he knew he had reached his limit and needed, perhaps wanted, to walk away and explore another area of their life. What a wonderful run he had with his career; Amazing to say the least. I celebrated with him!
The selfish me, was devastated and sad because I knew I was losing the closest thing I had that helped me ‘keep’ parts of my dad. I could listen to Dave laugh and in my mind it was my dad’s laugh (the laughs are so similar). I worry that the sound of dad’s laughter will disappear.
I could watch Dave’s mannerisms and quickly recall how my dad walked and talked. How he would drum his fingers and sort of squint his eyes as he blinked a bit too rapidly. How his sense of humor was always quick and a bit biting.
Will that disappear now that the reminder is gone from my life?
Will I forget all of the little things about my dad?
I hope not, but I’ve been thinking about it, and talking with others about it.
From my own grieving process and from speaking about this to others I’ve come to believe losing someone we love brings us to a heightened awareness of things that trigger memories and while some things may fade, many things will be remembered.
Perhaps it’s a smell, a look, a walk, a laugh, whatever it is, it brings us pause and suddenly we are flooded with a memory of the person we loved and lost.
I believe it’s God. I believe He created us in such a way that our hearts open for love and once it does, we never forget even if parts blur a bit and memories falter in some moments.
So as I say good-bye to Dave and his wonderful, wacky way of making me laugh and remember, it’s like saying good-bye to my dad all over again, but I know God is going to place others in my path that are going to trigger memories and emotions because my dad is gone but never forgotten. My heart just won’t forget.
Where do you find memories?